Excuses

As the semester is winding to an end, I am finding that my students have increasingly interesting and ridiculous excuses as to why they cannot come to class or turn in their assignment on time. Some of the best are reasons why I should give them A's. So for everyone's reading entertainment this evening, I am listing a few of my favorite student interactions. Enjoy!

Student email: My internet is not working so I can't email you my paper
Me: Then how are you sending me this message by EMAIL, if your internet is down?
(better think of a better excuse next time)

Student: I won't be in class today because... my bike got stolen a few weeks ago and I saw someone riding it in DC today so I chased them down and now I'm waiting for the cops to come...
Me: I'm not sure if I buy this, especially because this student was a tiny girl in full burqa

Student: (male) 5 mins before class- in hysterics: I can't turn in my paper because my girlfriend just broke up with me
Me: Ok, I'm sorry that happened to you, but why is it that your paper wasn't written prior to 5 minutes before class....

Student: Why did you only give me 5 out of 15 points on this essay?
Me: Because you said that the Black Hand didn't actually kill Franz Ferdinand, that the Austrians stopped it and World War I was avoided... This is completely wrong! He was killed and World War I did actually happen...
Student: You're wrong!
Me: Um, no, sorry. (what I really wanted to say was, try reading the book or attending class and you might actually know what happened in history...)

Student: I really thought that I deserved an A on that paper
Me: You didn't capitalize the start of any sentences, had no periods and mispelled every other word (including their own name)
Student: I don't like to be constrained by sentence structure. I prefer to write my papers in stream of conscience.

Student: Why did you count me absent for the last 3 weeks
Me: Because you did not attend class
Student: Yes I did!
Me: Then why didn't you sign the sign in sheet?
Student: I came in late and missed it
Me: What about when I announced that everyone should sign it before leaving?
Student: I had to hurry out
Me: Okay, show me your notes to prove you were present
Student: Funny story, my dog tore up my spiral and I had to buy a new one...
Me: Seriously! Your dog.... oldest excuse in the book

I have TONS more stories I could share, but these are just a few of my favorites. Although I am quite ready to be done being a TA, some of the stuff these kids tell me cracks me up! Well, better get back to studying.... its that time of the year for me. At least this library let you eat, study and sleep in it : ) Perfect living conditions for the next few weeks!